May 31st, 2010

Today, I'm fifteen weeks pregnant with my first baby. We don't know the gender of our little miracle yet even though I think it's a boy, i don't know about Jesse, he'd rather wait until we know for sure. So far, my pregnancy's been easy, I wasn't really affected that much by morning sickness but throughout the first trimester, i was constantly attacked by constant and acute back pains and aches and my breasts were constantly sore. I had to lie down a lot and i was always tired. Looking back now though, I'm thankful it was so easy so I was still able to go to school and not have people guess what was going on with 'the goody two shoes' when i actually start showing, it should be funny to hear what these people are going to say. It's good i've never cared what people said or thought about me, after i'm done with school, i'm most likely never going to see these people again, so why let them get to me now?
Jesse's been really good so far during the pregnancy of our baby. He didn't leave me and the baby, and our relationship has actually gotten a lot stronger. We don't fight anymore unless it's over something dumb like baby names and things of the sort. The only thing we're really fighting about is whether or not I'm going to breast feed, his reasoning being the typical boy reason of not wanting me to get all droopy, but i think he's using that excuse so that he won't have to come out to me and say
"Beca, I'm afraid that if you do this, I won't be able to bond with our baby." At least he's agreed that i could for the first three months, and I'm sure he will past this as well. Jesse got a job last month at Maaco, working with cars. My mom was right, I found someone a lot like my own father to share this bond with. We're looking forward to being able to do this together and hopefully stay together as long as we can.
My school, or at least the whole district, has absolutely no options and haven't been helpful at all. The only option they were able to give me was that I would go to school until i couldn't anymore and with a doctor's note get home tutored by a teacher the city would pay for until 6-8 weeks after the baby was born. Then, in exact words from my guidance counsuler, "My mother would watch the baby." Well thanks for assuming, Ms. B, because I'm not doing that. So right now, my options are getting my GED, getting homeschooled, or doing online school. It's so dumb because I only need 10 more credits to graduate. I have until August 30th to decide because that's the day we're going back to school next year. i don't think I'd be able to go back because Jesse and I are both afraid of the number of kids who attend my school and the amount of stairs that I could potentially fall on. Whatever happens, I need to do whats best for my baby.
I had my last doctors appointment a few weeks ago, at twelve weeks I believe it was. Had a pelvic exam which was slightly uncomfortable and awkward, and most importantly, I got to hear the heartbeat of my little miracle that will be arriving somewhere near November 22nd. Hearing that little heartbeat that was at 169 bpm made my pregnancy a lot more real and I don't doubt it anymore, it's realistic that this is happening now. Jesse and my mom went to the appointment and I got seven huge vials of blood taken. My mother laughed when she heard i wasn't afraid of giving birth but I hated the needles that would come. I found out a few days later that I'd have to resubmit two vials because THEY messed up and didn't check them in enough time so the results were invalid. Have to love doctors. I'll probably due that June 7th because that's my next appointment, and the appointment after that is when I'll be able to get my first ultrasound and find out what I'm having. I'm so excited to be able to place a name on my baby and to be able to buy gender specific bedding and clothing. Please keep me, Jesse, and the baby in your prayers =)
-Beca